


the things we miss

by freckledrob



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Jack Sugden (Mentioned) - Freeform, Which hopefully it will, aaron is a supportive husband, also more characters might be added as the series goes on, but each chapter won't necessarily follow the one before it, fyi this is a collection of ficlets revolving around robert and the people in his life, i put robron as the ship & they are the main ship of this but they're not the main focus, i've never written and/or posted emmerdale/robron before so please don't judge me too harshly, if that makes sense???, it's all set in the same universe and everything, robert has a lot of bottled up feelings, so each chapter is like its own story, the sugden-dingle family is a strong one, this is pretty robert centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-10-20 16:37:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20678531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckledrob/pseuds/freckledrob
Summary: everyone knows robert had issues with his father, with his sexuality, with his brother, with his life, but no one really knew the details, not really. but, with help from his husband, robert has decided that maybe he's been bottling things up for too long.(each chapter is its own ficlet and is focused around robert + another character)this fic is currently on hiatus





	1. chas dingle

Today was by no means Robert’s favorite day of the year. Whenever the 28th of November came around, he hated the feeling he got in his stomach. The date loomed over him like a cloud, reminding him of what a disappointment he was, and how he didn’t belong in the village.

So, he drank. A lot. 

Not enough to get him proper drunk, but enough that it dulled the pain a bit.

Chas had been keeping her eye on him since he came in. There was just something about the way he walked in that had told her he wasn’t just stopping by to say hello to his mother-in-law or meet his husband for lunch. No, from the moment that he ordered the first pint, Chas knew he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

“You alright, love?” She had asked when he sat down, the emotion on his face was something she couldn’t quite place, but she knew it wasn’t good.

He had nodded in response, claiming to be fine, but his voice sounded distant, like his mind was somewhere else.

And now here he was, four, almost five, drinks in, and he hadn’t really spoken since. Only to ask for another pint.

He wasn’t even irritable. He wasn’t laying on the charm, or trying to bring other people’s moods down to match his. He was just quiet and respectful, in his own little bubble. 

She shoots Aaron a quick text.

_Any particular reason that your husband is day-drinking in my pub right now?_

She places her phone back in her pocket and decides to approach Robert.

He doesn’t seem to notice her at first, just staring into his half-empty pint and absentmindedly tapping his fingers on the bar counter.

She waves a hand in his face.

“Hello? Anybody in there?”

He blinks in surprise and looks up at her, immediately apologizing.

“No need to apologize, love. Just checking up on you. Seeing how you’re doing?”

“Right, well, I’m fine, like I said before,” He’s clearly decided their conversation is over and takes another swig of his drink.

But Chas isn’t about to drop the subject.

“Robert Sugden-Dingle, I’d like to think that by now I know you well enough to know when you’re not doing alright!”

“It’s nothing, Chas, honestly! Just drop it, it’s none of your concern.”

“You’re my son-in-law and something is obviously up! So, no, I will not-”

“Chas, please,” He cuts her off, and this time when he speaks there’s a pleading tone to his voice.

Just then her phone buzzes. It’s Aaron.

_I’m almost done with work, then I’ll be over and we’ll sort it._

Sort what? Does he know why Robert’s upset? She supposes that he would and decides to leave it until he arrives.

Aaron enters the pub and looks around, quickly finding his husband at the bar, quietly swirling the last few drops of beer in the bottom of his glass.

He approaches with caution, knowing how fragile Robert can be, especially today.  
“Rob?”  
Robert turns his head immediately, eyes lighting up briefly.

“Come on, let’s go home, okay?” Aaron’s voice is gentle, trying to comfort his husband.

Just then, Chas comes and meets them around the front of the bar.

“You know I was only pestering you because I’m worried, right?”

He nods, “Yeah, I know. It’s just hard.”

There’s something else in his voice now. It’s wobbly, like he might cry. She rubs his arm, not wanting to overstep any boundaries, “Love, please, what’s wrong?”

His breath is shaky and Aaron’s rubbing circles onto his back.

He’s not looking at either one of them.

“You could tell her,” Aaron whispers, his voice soft and reassuring, “You know you could.”

Aaron looks at Robert with an intensity that can only be described as pure love.

He looks at his mum and nods his head towards the direction of the back, “Can we all go and chat back there?”

Aaron pauses before looking at Robert again, “If that’s alright with you?”

Robert lets a deep breath escape his lips. Then he nods.

Once Robert’s sat on the couch, Aaron sits on the arm and asks him if he’s okay to talk about it.  
Robert nods again, before looking back at Chas, and stating, “It’s my dad’s birthday.”

“Oh, right, well that makes sense then, it must be hard.”

Why didn’t he just tell her that? Sure, she knew they had a troubled relationship, but that doesn’t mean he can’t miss his dad.

“I haven’t been upset because I miss him. If that’s what you’re thinking.”

Oh?

“I’m just upset because it feels like he’s still got a hold on me, even after all these years, even though I’ve moved on and managed to do things I know he didn’t think I could do.”

“I’m sure that-”

“You know, Diane and Vic are always saying that he’d be so proud of me, for who I am today. But I think they’re wrong. No, I know they’re wrong. Because I know what he thought of me.”  
Robert’s hands are shaking, Aaron takes one of them and locks their fingers together, his thumb stroking the back of Robert’s hand in an effort to provide some comfort for his husband.

“ I know what he thought of who I was. He made it very clear all those years ago that he didn’t like who I was. Made it clear that I wasn’t the son that he wanted to have.”

“What’re you on about, love?”

She looks at Robert, who is looking at Aaron with tearful eyes, and Aaron, who is trying to soothe his husband while playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck.

“Oh… oh Robert…” She pulls him back in for a hug.

No wonder he’d bottled it up for so long. Why he’d been so afraid of admitting to everyone that he was bisexual. Jack Sugden had scared his own son so bad that Robert tried to repress every part of himself that knew he liked men.

She doesn’t want to let go of him. She wants to hold onto her son-in-law until he knows just how much he means to her. Until he knows how much he means to everyone. He saved her son, in more ways than one, and although it took her some time to figure that out, she sees it now. She sees the way Aaron is at ease when Robert’s doing something as simple as standing next to him. She’s witnessed multiple times where Robert has gone to great lengths to make sure Aaron’s alright. And he doesn’t avoid contact with the Dingles, he embraces them. He listens to Sam’s stories when nearly everyone else makes an excuse not to. He checks up on her and Paddy at least once a week, even if it’s just a “Hey, how are you?” when he enters the pub. He loves Liv like she’s his own and always tries to make time for her. He’s there for his son in anyway he can be. He stands up for his family, whether they’re biological or not. They mean everything to Robert, and she hopes he can see that the feelings are mutual.  
Yes, he’s made a lot of mistakes, and he’s had troubles with most of the village in one way or another, but if anyone has shown what it means to truly grow as a person, it’s Robert Sugden-Dingle.

“Come on, let me make you a brew,” She smiles at the two of them, “You can stay as long as you’d like.”


	2. liv flaherty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> liv overheard something and questions robert about it  
(no aaron in this one but he's mentioned a few times)

Liv has been staring at Robert for a while now, and she can see that he’s starting to get nervous. She knows she’s probably got that look on her face, like she’s trying to figure something out. She’s trying to figure _him_ out.

Robert’s looking back at her like he’s done something wrong. He hasn’t. She almost laughs at the fear on his face. It’s only nine o’clock in the morning, what could he have possibly done? He’s just feeding Seb!

Seb gurgles from his highchair, as if he knows people are thinking about him. This pulls Liv from her trance and she shakes her head.

“Is everything alright?” He still looks nervous.

“Huh?” Her face gets red, realizing he saw her staring, “Oh, it’s nothing.”

“You were looking at me so hard I thought maybe you were trying to read my mind,” Robert feeds another spoonful to his clearly impatient son, who wouldn’t stop pounding on his tray.

She rolls her eyes at the mind-reading comment, but there’s a small smile on her lips, if only for a moment. 

“Just forget it, okay? It’s not that important right now anyways.”

“Are you sure? Seemed to be distracting you from your breakfast a bit.”

Liv looks down at her barely touched cereal. It’s gone all mushy, the colorful marshmallows fading into the now pale green milk. She swirls it all together with her spoon before looking back up at Robert, who was still looking back at her, gentle concern showing on his face.

“It’s just… I was just…” How does she even start this? What if he just shuts her down? What if he gets mad at her? Liv hates it when Robert’s mad at her, even more than when Aaron is. Because Robert doesn’t really get upset with her often. He’s always the first one to try and be reasonable and listen to her side of the story. What if this is pushing a button or two that Robert doesn’t want her to push?

“Liv?” Robert’s voice breaks through her worries, “Liv, come on, you can talk to me about anything. You know this. I won’t judge, remember?”

She takes a deep breath, then speaks.

“It’s just something I overheard last night…” She realizes that could mean a million different things and so she clarifies, “About you not always being able to feel support from your family?”

Robert sighs, “You heard that?”

“I wasn’t eavesdropping, Rob, I swear! At least… not on purpose.”

“I wasn’t talking about you and Aaron, just so you know. You two have managed to tolerate me way longer than you maybe should have,” Robert chuckles, but Liv can tell it’s only partially real.

“Yeah, ‘cause we love you, you idiot,” She balls up her napkin and throws it at him, leading to a loud giggle from Seb. They grin at each other.

“I know that, but I haven’t always been able to tell, and sometimes it’s still hard for me to believe that you lot actually like me, much less want me in your lives forever.”

Liv wants to smack him. She wants to yell that of course they want him with them, he’s Robert and he’s their family. He’s the family they get to _choose_. Forever.

“Because of stuff that happened in the past?” She decides to ask in response to his statement, “With your dad? And Andy?”

Liv knows Robert doesn’t really like talking about his dad. After a few years of knowing Robert, she realized almost all of her information on Jack Sugden had come from Diane or Victoria, not Robert. She knew things hadn’t been easy with Robert and Andy either. Robert talked about his brother sometimes, but he never really seemed happy to be doing so. And now that Liv thought about it, she’s fairly certain that nine out of ten times, Robert only says something about Andy when someone else has brought his name up.

He hasn’t responded to her questions.

“Rob?”

He takes a deep breath, “Look, I… I was never the favorite, with my dad, maybe not with anybody. And I’m not saying you should have favorite children, because I definitely don’t think you should, but… but I do know he had a least favorite. And that was me.”

“Then how come Diane and Vic are always saying how proud he’d be of you? About how happy he’d be for you if he could see you now?”

“They think all of the tension and conflict between Dad and I was just typical father-son drama. That I was just a difficult teenager and he was just trying to keep me in check. And sure, sometimes it was. I wasn’t very friendly to people growing up. And I haven’t been all that nice as an adult.” He pauses, and Liv knows he’s thinking about the mistakes he’s made. 

She doesn’t say anything. She just lets him breathe and continue.

“But the relationship between him and I, it was different. It wasn’t like him and Andy, Dad idolized Andy. And it wasn’t like him and Vic, well, Victoria idolized _him_. When he and I were alone in a room together, it was like even the way I was breathing was wrong.”

Robert isn’t looking at her anymore. He’s just staring off at nothing. Not wanting to make eye contact.

“I’ve always felt the need to prove myself. To him. To Andy. To Vic. To Diane. To everyone. Even now.”

“Well, you don’t need to prove yourself to me. Or Aaron. Not anymore, at least,” Liv hates that he feels this way, he’s basically her brother, “I get it though. Maybe not exactly the same way, but I always feel like I have to prove to others that I’m a good person. Sometimes I feel like I need to prove it to myself. That I’m not insane, like my mum, and I’m not sick, not like… him.” 

“Of course you’re not, Liv, you’re a great kid. Well, maybe not as much of a kid anymore…” 

“If you say something about how I’m ‘maturing into a young woman,’ I’ll punch you,” Liv’s voice is hard but a smile still manages to crack through, “And you’re great too, Robert, you shouldn’t have to prove yourself to a village that’s full of people who have done the same bad things as you but gained forgiveness. Aaron was arrested for GBH. I spiked Lisa’s drink. Cain’s always being shifty. No one is innocent, Rob. And yet we all seem to have escaped the cloud of judgement hanging over you. You don’t deserve to feel this way, Rob. You’ve changed.”

He doesn’t say anything, just offers her a sheepish smile. She knows he doesn’t fully believe her. Not now. But maybe one day, Robert will understand that he’s not a burden.

Liv decides at that moment she’s going to try and do better. She wants Robert to remember that he always has support, not just from Aaron, but her as well. Liv loves Robert. Sure, she’s not always the best at showing it, but she wants him to know that he’s her brother and she cares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! hope you enjoyed!  
next up: victoria  
-eb

**Author's Note:**

> i really hope you enjoyed this, i love robert (and aaron and chas and a lot of other characters) a whole lot, so i hope i'm doing them justice.  
-eb


End file.
